before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
