and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you. Go after that dick
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