I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
