the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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