Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
