He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
