Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize