and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
