Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
