I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
