Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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