Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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