No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
