better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
