We won't sleep together?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
