I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
