I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
