the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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