google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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