Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
