Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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