I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's shark week go big or go home
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
