I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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