look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
