she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
