well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
