you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
