but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
