I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
