Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
