I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
