So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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