My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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