There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
