i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
