omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
