Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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