my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize