Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
