Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
