just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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