I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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