Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
