It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
