He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
