Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
