HIV tests are more positive than that guy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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