Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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