I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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