So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize