I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
