Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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