he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
