So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
