my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
