How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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