why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
