I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
