I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
