Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
