So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
