Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
