I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
