Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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