why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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