I seem to have left my pride at pride
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize