I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
