Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
