Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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