there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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