i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize