I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
