In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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