i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize