So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize