we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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