My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
