He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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