p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I deserve this hangover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
